Public Bathroom sign Photo by Yena Kwon on Unsplash
Public Bathroom sign Photo by Yena Kwon on Unsplash

Lloyd Burr: Where can we go when we need to go?

Lloyd Burr 06/10/2021

OPINION: If you’re outside of Auckland, this won’t really affect you, but it’ll certainly interest you: Where can you pee and poo under the latest Level 3, Phase 1 changes. 

The changes allow two households within the Auckland boundary to meet outdoors. 

There must be no more than 10 people, they must be masked, and must social distance. 

You can meet in backyards….and you’re allowed to travel to public parks, or beaches or recreation areas. 

So not a whole lot more freedom, but a little bit and it means mates can finally meet up and have some beers or have a picnic. 

BUT there is some confusion around where you’re allowed to do poo and wees. 

If you’re in a mate’s backyard, and nature calls - are you allowed to duck inside to use their toilets? Or do you have to pee or poo in their backyard? Or do you have to nip home?

If you’ve taken some picnic cheers to the beach and need to do #1s or #2s - will the public toilets be open?

What we’ve discovered, is that there’s a whole lot of answers, they’re all different. No one really knows. 

The Unite Against Covid website says they “cannot enter your house or use indoor facilities”. 

But, Deputy Prime Minister Grant Robertson said this: 

We are not expecting there to be gatherings of people in the toilet but if people need to go no doubt they will manage that situation

So what’s the story with public toilets? This morning when I was walking my mate’s dog, the toilets were closed. 

Will they open? How will they be cleaned or kept safe? 

Now I’ll try get some answers to that in a minute…..but first I want to tell you about what happened in London last year when this same restriction-easing happened. 

Public toilets in London remained closed. 

Hoards of people had picnics in the park. They drank wine and beer and coffee and ate delish food. 

And when they needed to pee or poo, there was nowhere to go. 

People peed and pooed in bushes and under trees or anywhere that gave them privacy. 

This happened for weeks and by week 3, the trees and bushes in Hyde Park and Regents Park and even Green Park near Buck Palace were filthy. 

The stench of urine was unbearable. 

The piles of poo and wet wipes were like biological landmines. 

It became a serious health problem - especially when you add dogs in the mix, who loved all these new things to sniff. 

I’m telling you this not to gross you out, but I just want to avoid Auckland’s parks from becoming feral fecal pits. 

And because if this is not done right… It could become a real shit show!

Lloyd Burr hosts Lloyd Burr Live, weekdays from 4pm on Magic Talk.

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