How do you know there's a vegan in the room? They'll tell you.
It's an old joke but a good one.
Vegans are like evangelical Bible Belt Christians from the United States.
They want to ram their ideology down your throat at any chance they can get.
On Tuesday, you will hear in the news stories about a new survey of consumers. They will claim a third of Kiwis are on their way to becoming vegetarians or vegans. We're all going green.
But make no mistake, the percentage of Kiwis who are vegetarian or vegan remains at 3 percent. Yes, 97 percent of us are still into our meat and so we should be, especially in New Zealand.
We are #blessed to live here, where farming is efficient and good for you.
I was at a sheep and beef farm at the weekend. World-class, beautiful meat. It's grass-fed, it's free-range, it's pasture-raised, and compared to other countries, it's also lean.
It's a fantastic source of nutrients. Iron, zinc, vitamin B12. It's also packed with omega-3 fats. Our sheep and beef industry also employs 80,000 people.
It keeps us housed and watered and fed.
So when you hear the vegan loonies on Tuesday claiming red meat will kill you, tell them that you're a Kiwi meat eater. You're a grass-fed meat eater. You're a proud meat-eater and that when it comes to the evidence, they're wrong.
In fact, I'd say to them: you're traitors.
This country was built off the back of farming and agriculture. To not eat the fruits of our labour is economic treason. They're treasonous.
If anything, the biggest threat to our kids' diets is processed, fast-food rubbish - not lean, healthy beef and lamb cooked well as part of a balanced diet.
Next time a vegan yells at you in a supermarket for eating meat, have 'em locked up for lies, treason and propaganda. OK?
Let's turn the tables. When somebody asks how do you know there's a meat-eater in the room? I want the answer to be 'because they'll tell you'.
Ryan Bridge is hosting The AM Show on Tuesday.